When Everything Is Stuck

So you’re having one of those days (weeks, months). Everything’s gray and stagnant and impossible. You try and try, but can’t seem to get any traction, and you’re just so tired. You know this isn’t the truth, you know this is just the jerkbrain kicking up dust, but there’s so much dust that you can’t see the simple quiet clarity that’s at your core.

It is slightly possible that by “you” I mean “me.” It is slightly possible that by “you” I mean “all of us.”

Try this. It only takes 5 or 10 minutes.

Breathe

First, lie down take a deep breath. Remind yourself that this is a dust storm, not the eternal truth. Remind yourself that this normal, even though you feel like the most broken fucked-up freak in the world right now. Remind yourself that this is temporary, even though you feel like things will be like this forever.

Remind yourself, even though you don’t believe it at all.

Good.

Now, start breathing in for four counts and out for four counts. You can count as quickly or as slowly as you want. In-2-3-4. Out-2-3-4. Even though all this breathing stuff is hippie bullshit and won’t work. Even though you’re way too fucked up for simple fixes like this. In-2-3-4. Out-2-3-4.

It’s just breathing. You were doing that anyway. All we’re doing is bringing the tiniest bit of concentration to it.

Maybe you’re starting to feel a little better. Shh, don’t tell your jerkbrain. Or maybe you’re feeling stupid now because this isn’t working, of course it isn’t working, and you were an idiot for thinking it might help. Whatever you’re feeling: just keep going. In-2-3-4. Out-2-3-4.

Do this for as long as you want, but for at least ten breaths (in and out = 1 breath). When you’re ready, take the next step.

In with Clarity, Out with Stagnation

Now it’s time to sit up. Sit comfortably, no fancy meditation position required. You don’t even have to sit up straight if you don’t want to (and I know you don’t want to.) Continue breathing as in the previous step. When you breathe in, imagine the quality of clarity filling you up. When you exhale, imagine the quality of stagnation leaving you. Imagine these however you like: perhaps quality is a white light. Perhaps it is cool clean air or the scent of irises. Perhaps stagnation is a dark fog, perhaps it is a thick tar, perhaps it is the smell of old onion, perhaps it is dust.

Just trust whatever images or sensations come to you. Even if none come at all. Even if you’re clearly too stupid/broken/clumsy/unimaginative to do this right. Even if it’s all bullshit. Even if there are a thousand other things you should be doing right now, if you weren’t such a loser.

Do this for as long as you want, but for at least ten breaths (in and out = 1 breath). When you’re ready, take the next step.

Add Your Arms

Continue breathing. Continue visualizing clarity coming in and stagnation going out. To this, add some rhythmic movements of your arms. If you’re familiar with the Dance of Shiva, try that (it’s ok to use a level you’re super-familiar with for this; no need to do something too hard and make yourself cry). If you’re not, just move your arms around, in rhythm with your counting and your breath.

Even if you’re really clumsy, even if your movements are graceless and uninspired, even if this actually helps perk up your brainmeats a little and oh God we can’t have that because then you’ll have to do something, maybe even that thing you’ve been avoiding.

Do this for as long as you want, but for at least ten breaths (in and out = 1 breath). When you’re ready, take the next step.

Add Your Legs

Now it’s time to get your legs moving. Stand up. Start moving your legs. If you know a Dance of Shiva leg pattern, use that. If you don’t, just move your legs around, in rhythm with your arms and your counting and your breath.

Even if the only leg movement you can think of is an awkward high-school dance shuffle. Even if you try kicking like a Rockette and stumble. Even if all you can do is march in place. Even if it’s too hard to keep your arms and legs and breath in synch and oh damn you forgot about the qualities and obviously you suck at this and should just give up and go back to bed and eat Doritos until you die. Even if all of that, just keep going.

Breathe.

Visualize clarity coming in and stagnation going out.

Move your arms.

Move your legs.

Do this for as long as you want, but for at least ten breaths (in and out = 1 breath).

Everything Is A Little Bit Better Now

Maybe just the tiniest bit. Maybe there’s just a little more energy, a little more room to breathe, a little more possibility.

What will you do now?